Numb Pain

Numb Pain


The hot breeze from molten ball sweeps on my fresh delicate face
It is a gross afternoon of sweat and tears
I, who live now with fame and gold,
Try to reminisce the past that still haunts my very soul
I’m standing in front of this sordid hell-like street of an old place
Waiting for someone whom I know has a space in my memory.
Then the black dirty door of sorrow chokes a messy twelve-year-old child.
He holds a rusty tin can on his violet young wounded hands.
That can. That rusty can for coins
Is my only precious possession before.
I live with it. I worked with it. I cried with it.
I then clearly remember the gloomy day that visits my whole being each dark evening.
The nightmare with bruises and pain from our master Baldo
I always slept with a hard fist directly thumped on my teary eyes
I always slept with an empty stomach and fear behind my gross ‘karton’.
There was a day when I returned to that Hades’ place with an empty can.
My master was in great anger!
He was ready to slam the piece of big wood on his hand to my weak thin being
Yes, I thought it was my end.
But then, Carlito, my feeble yet brave friend, put his body in front of mine.
He received the pain that supposedly for me.
On the first three deadly hits, he almost fell.
I tried to move his body away from that dangerous death
But he stopped me and uttered, “I’ll protect you.”
Silence numbed me with tears and regrets.
This gallant man taught my significance.
Before, I didn’t even bother to ask if he was fine
I just cared for myself.
Not even tried to see who was beside me each scary night.
Who was there for me each tiring days of asking alms
Who was there to save my life and be my hero
And that was Carlito, my knight in shining armor.
I tried to thank him,
But then, I couldn’t hear any words from his lips with dripping blood.
Dying. I shouted for our master’s mercy
But it was too soft to mollify his rage.
He continued the sentence ‘til my savior turned blue and grey.


Tenth hit. Last beat. Last breath.
I could feel the coldness that wrapped me from Carlito’s hug.
“It’s over Carlito.” Silence.
I shook his arms hoping for his response.
But then, all I could see was his livid pale face leaning on my chest.
I whispered his name again hoping for a gleam of hope to see.
But it was really over.
All I could see was a dark image lying on the ground. Lifeless.
I couldn’t do anything but just let my tears fell down.
I was staring and bidding farewell to my hero, my love.
That day of my young grief and sufferings,
Sparked the beginning of standing-up and taking vengeance.
I gave my whole tears, lamentation and blood to double the coins in my rusty tin can.
Coins enough for moving on and walking away from that Satan’s place.
Now, I’m standing with gold and fame, the fruits of my sweats
Here in front of my former master’s territory.
Before, I was afraid and weak to take the war.
But now, I have the courage to face my fear.
It’s my turn to fight for Carlito.
Wait for my revenge ‘til I saw you again master Baldo…