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Thursday, March 7, 2013
I just hate this feeling...
I feel suffocated with the load of stuffs that I need to do just to satisfy those gruesome expectations.
Everyday, I wear 4 masks...one in front of my family...one in front of my friends...one in my workplace...and last is in front of my graduate school comrades...
I should finish my studies in the graduate school so that I could fulfill my promise to my family and satisfy the nuts of those eyes watching my every walks. I hate myself for having this pride though.
Now, I'm in dilemma whether I really like to be an English teacher? Well, that's the only option for me. When I was young, my dream is to be a magazine editor or fashion designer. But my resources, skills and appearance are not enough though. It will be just be my dream. How odd to think that I'm not that talkative in person but my work requires me to speak. And the fact that I can't feel any satisfaction when I do it. I just feel like a sore-loser.
I just want to live freely without any worries of passing certain standards. My only sanctuary is my fangirling life. It's good to be euphoric even just for a short time. But I need to still hide from those judgmental eyes because they think it's not right. Is it bad to be happy and free?